Water in, "water" out

You may or may not know that I need to lose weight. As in, a whole lot of weight. As in, I'm twice the woman I should be.

I joined Weight Watchers a few months back, and I've lost just over 20 pounds. If I was being awesome and losing 2 lbs a week I'd have lost twice that... but hey, I'm losing, not gaining! Not even staying the same... so I figure I'm going the right direction, anyhow.

This week hasn't been the best ever, so I'm a little freaked out about weigh-in. So today I remembered "drinking water is good" so I've been chuggin' it.

I've peed 12 times this morning and it isn't even 10:30.

I remember why I quit drinking water.

stuff that makes you go hmmm....

So, I don't know why I find this so funny, but.... the big initials on the sides of the garbage trucks here - which, you know, must be the initials of the company....

C S I

giggle

it is indeed a crime what I throw away.....

Traveling....

Two days and 300 loads of laundry to go before we leave on our Christmas journey....

Snow!!

Woke up to this view this morning.....

And it's getting thicker......

and yes, I went out on the balcony in my barefeet.....

...'cause that's how I roll.

So...it's December

The stockings are hung... sort of...

The Nativities are set out... (well, the bookcase was empty anyway... the books are all still in storage) There was more greenery and a really nice Hurricane lamp on the top corner of this.... but I cleaned up the shards of that this morning about 6am... apparently the cat tried to investigate up there....

The cat is still getting in on the action....

How is it that Christmas can sneak up on me when it comes at exactly the same time every year?? Like...duh. We are leaving in one week to go to Idaho for Christmas, and of course I have more than a week's worth of work to do first.

The place is all decorated, and looks pretty nice despite having a cheesy fake Christmas tree. I swore I would never have a fake tree, but since we aren't actually going to be here for Christmas, and will be unable to water the thing, and wanted to put one up early and take it down late (I mean, I will be gone for 2 weeks, so I want to enjoy the thing I spend so much time decorating!!) well, having a bone-dry fire hazard in an empty apartment just didn't seem like a good plan. Of course we are financially strapped so we could only afford a cheap artificial tree - so, bonus good!! Yay us. It looks alright though. Actually, it looks pretty nice. Huh. Whooda thunk it.

It started out pretty awful.....

But it turned out looking presentable!

Time for bed

So, I was going to post something interesting... or at least maybe my Dinner-in-a-Pumpkin recipe... but I just spent the last hour IM'ing with a friend from Idaho... so, instead of interesting, you get "good night".....sorry!

Slogging thru

So I said I wasn't going to whine anymore. Fine. I will just be.....sad. Very sad. Today was a beautiful day, weather-wise, and hubby and daughter went for a walk at a historical farm site... I stayed home in bed. Sick, or depressed? I'm not sure.

I've got to pull myself together.

Today I am not going to whine

Actually, I was kinda thinking about running away from home. At least for a couple days. Maybe I would miss everyone and want to come back. Or they (I should say he) would realize I am good for something and beg me to return.... 'cause that'd kinda make me feel good, anyway.

I just need a break, ya know? From the clinging and the neediness (and that's just the dog!)...well, okay, and the girl. It's weird, because the more I need "me time" the more clingy she gets... it's just our own reactions to the emotions we're feeling.... but they aren't real compatible!

I'd give good money to once... just once!... sit down on the toilet without the dog putting her head on my lap and one or more human family members sitting on the bed to talk to me.... geez! I suppose I could just shut the door.... but I'm kinda weird and claustrophobic about that.

Well...... the weather has been nice.

I'm getting tired of being the family cheerleader

Why is it that I am the only one trying to "see the bright side" here??! I know, I know. It's hard to move 2,600 miles away from all you know and love. I feel it too! But, still. I am trying to have a good attitide, to look for the best in it, to find fun stuff to do. My daughter cries every other day that she wants "to go home". My husband hates his job here. (Now, that doesn't surprise me... given the company he works for. He's worked for them before. It was my only real hesitation about moving here, and sure enough, they've remained true to their colors. I don't know why he thought it would be different.) This morning when I dropped him off at work (yeah, I have to get up at 5:30am to take him to work since the company took away the managers' vehicles.... but have I complained? No. Well, not a lot!) Anyway, he tells me he just wants to move back, that it isn't going well here at all. I asked "Isn't it better though, now that Kiki and I are here?" (he moved here 6 months before she and I were able to come) and he was all "well, it's better, but still, like last night, you were on the computer while I watched tv alone.... what fun is that?" OH!! Let me explain something! I hate inane television, and my husband is the KING of coming home, plopping his butt on the couch and grabbing the remote. I have spent countless hours sitting next to him watching crap I couldn't care less about, trying to be "with him". Well, I am tired of it, so recently I've started getting on my computer when he camps out with the tv set. (and besides, the computer is about 20 feet from there - it's not like I'm upstairs, or in another room or something!) I have tried and tried to get us to play a game, or read, or do heaven knows what instead of tv..... but now he's not happy enough that Kiki and I finally joined him here because we aren't spending time together??!!!

If he doesn't pull his crap together, maybe I will just take Kiki and go back to Idaho.... at least I can make one of them happy that way!

Drinking wine out of a water glass

It's wrong, but I did it. Because I really, really needed to relax a little!! And no, I didn't FILL the glass! Thought about it..... Living in this tiny apartment is killer. It's like still being in a hotel room, but you have to do dishes and laundry. Speaking of laundry - that's what caused my "drinking problem". See, we have this laundry room - uh, laundry closet - and we put the dog's foldup crate in there.... well, I was washing clothes, the only nice stuff we have, because we were meeting Scooter's cousin for dinner... well, when I closed the door, the crate fell over, and there was no way to re-open that door! So I had a little melt-down moment.... then I used my head, hooked the dog leash to the crate, put it over the door, and pulled that sucker back into place. (I have a huge row of bruises up my arm where I had to cram it in the crack of the door.) Sheesh....life.

Now they want to take Scooter's company truck away (a company-wide decision) but that was one of the 'deal makers' in him accepting this job... no way we can afford to buy a car (and pay the gas).... dear Lord, if this means we have to stay in this apartment and not upgrade to the 2-bedroom!! Geez, I was bummed enough that we have to be in an apartment at all, but at least we could survive in the bigger one....sigh. I'm not sure I get this move at all....... trying not to panic...... 'cause next time, that water glass will be full!!

And off I goooooooo......

Off my rocker, mostly. Someone - I suppose the packing guy - is gonna walk in here tomorrow and find me balled up in a corner, sobbing and gently rocking back and forth..... back and forth... back and forth...ah, that sounds so peaceful, so nice.....

It's seriously that bad. Today when Scooter called, all I could do was cry into the phone. Ridiculous. Saturday afternoon was Kiwi's birthday party, and I spent the morning alternately yelling, then crying...sobbing, really. Now, I've moved a lot. You'd think I could deal with it. I usually do. Not this time. I'm not sure why, I guess because I'm having to do it all alone, as a "single mom", and really, I think it's finally hit me that I am moving 2,500 miles away from my family and friends. And I really don't like that.

So, I thought I'd post one last time before the men in the white coats come to take me away....

Okay, it's really because after tomorrow this computer will be packed up, and I really haven't got a clue when I will be back online.... so, if you think about us, pray for our trip and our move and my sanity.... oh, and that Kiwi finds her Nintendo DS.... needed for the trip, but missing-in-action as of this moment.

I will check back in....later!

How NOT to move (unless, you are crazy like me!)

At least there is one family member who is blissfully happy and unaware of the crap going on around them......

First, agreeing to move - at all - is a step toward insanity. Trust me on this. In our married life, we have moved....uhm, wait, I'm counting..... I think this will be #13. Yeah. Seriously. The dude isn't even in the military!! (that doesn't even count a few stints of staying with parents in between settling someplace else...because, we didn't have to unpack there) What is that all about??! I don't know, and it's my life! I have to tell you, however, that this is the worst yet. I think because it's been sooo long in coming, and because Scooter and I have been apart for 6 months now, and worst of all - he's gotten off scott-free while I'm here going nutsy!! Yeah. That is so not right. To hear him, it's all "yeah, but you'll be done soon, and I have to work for 20 more years before I can retire" yada yada yada....whatever!! But I still have to be here packing and cleaning the garage out and making the arrangements and dealing with the kid and the pets (and the pet surgery) and ...and.... and.... well, okay, at least I don't have to work 20 more years before I retire. He's got a point. I sleep in. I like sleeping in.

The next insane thing to do is to say "yes, of course you can" when your daughter asks you if she can have her birthday party early, as in, here and now, because after all, she won't have any friends in the new town in a couple months when it's really her birthday.... because, heaven forbid she miss out on anything in this life. What were you thinking??? Right, you weren't. Typical. So, it will be 1am and you will be baking a stinkin' cake, and sewing the finishing touches on the poodle skirt (oh, because it has to be themed, of course, this time a 50's party...) because earlier today, when you should have been baking, you took her to a friend's house to go swimming, because, heaven forbid she miss out on anything in this life.... do you sense a theme?? Girl, you need to put your foot down!! She won't be permanantly scarred if you say "no"! Right? Because she still wants one last sleepover.... OH for sanity sake, say no!!

Here's the skirt - and I cheated and used cake mix (geez, they're just kids!) - and that is seriously pink... she wanted it to match her "theme", lol

Hmmmm.....

Must be the stress???

Alright, so my legs are driving me absolutely mad!! They are all itchy and tingly, like bugs are crawling on them or something.... I could barely sleep last night! Today, I was absentmindedly scratching, and I scratched so long and hard that I have a big ol' bruise on my leg now! It's horrible! What could be causing this?? Looks like a double Exc*drin PM night for me!

Oh, and I just have to say....

...today, at work, was the weirdest. I was exhausted beyond belief. I could barely stand up. Seriously. Now, I'm always exhausted in the mornings; I am sooo not a morning person. But this was beyond. Like a fog was on me or something. So, I'm having trouble pulling the espresso shots - that is to say, they just weren't tasting good. Quite bitter. I'd done all the typical adjustments, to no avail. So it might have just been....me. I dunno. So I make this drink for a gal, and I'm like "if those shots are bitter, I will re-make it for you; I'm just having trouble this morning. She tastes it, and says "Well, the shots taste fine, but the milk is kind of cold." Which is weird, because I always steam to 160 degrees because I despise room temp lattes, so I look at the thermometer in the pitcher.... then I pick the pitcher up.... then I lay my hand against the pitcher.... it's not just kind of cold, it's absolutely chilly! I hadn't even steamed it, at all! I'd made her drink using the milk straight out of the fridge! Holey criminy.... I need to sleep, for at least 3 days straight......

What? It's March?

When did this happen? Where was I? Oh, yeah.... in some closet, trying to make order of it. How a family of three people can have so much crap is beyond me, honestly. Then there is trying to do everything, with my husband gone.... Tuesday I forgot to set out the trash, as it's his job... and the can is overflowing with all the stuff I'm chucking, not to mention the "science projects" that had been growing in the fridge, which I threw out since "it will be gone tomorrow". So, what did I do when I realized? I cried. Totally reasonable, right?? And helpful.

It's no wonder I'm nuts

So I had to spend all day trying to find the bottom of my daughter's room.... I've done this time and again, but it always ends up back the same way. I'm not sure who to be angriest at...her for trashing the place, or myself for letting her do it, over and over.... or maybe I should be ticked off at myself for buying her so much crap in the first place. That's probably the biggest problem.... Oooh, I know! I'll blame her dad for buying her stuff.... And Grandma! Yeah! It's all their fault!! Oh, I feel much better now.

Today I am wondering....

...among other things, if anyone is ever going to start reading my blog. Sure, it's dull, sure it's boring... but c'mon!

I need to try harder... make this blog about something. It's supposed to be about my little family of three moving across country... the good, the bad, and the ugly of that whole life situation. So far, it's really just the ugly. Well, and the bad. My husband is already gone, 2500 miles away (give or take) and I am still here, trying to work and homeschool our daughter and get the house ready to sell. Now, if I was a normal person, that wouldn't be too bad.... like most of you women who basically always have a fairly presentable home, and could just give a shout to your realtor to list the puppy....but I am so not normal. My home is somewhere between "hoarder" and "crazy cat woman" (altho I only have one cat...it's the insane mess that I'm referring to). I break into tears on a daily basis as I look around my house and see anew the stuff I need to deal with! Each time I think I've accomplished something, I open another closet door, or walk into a room my daughter has tornadoed through, and think crap, I will never ever get out of here and to my husband.

Is there anyone else out there like me who is a giant disaster, or am I, somehow... broken??

When bad dreams come true

You ever have one of those dreams where you are out in public and you aren't, umm, dressed?? Today my mom came over and walked all around my house, writing up a list for me of stuff I need to get done if I ever want to put this house on the market to sell. (I asked her to do this, she wasn't being pushy or something!!) It was so embarrassing. I mean, I know my mother loves me, but she must be truly disappointed to learn she raised a child completely incapable of being a decent housekeeper. I mean, you don't really know how bad it is here. I thought I could get more done during that "flight of the bumblebee" moment between when she called to say she was coming and when she actually showed up. I felt as humiliated, as exposed, as if I'd had to walk thru the mall completely butt-naked.